Grrrr....

I can smell breakfast sausage patties. Somebody near my cube has breakfast sausage patties and I can smell them. I loooove breakfast sausage patties. Breakfast sausage patties are fatty, salty, made of pork, and delicious. I want breakfast sausage patties something fierce right now. Instead of eating breakfast sausage patties, though, I'm going to eat a protein bar. Protein bars are chocolaty. They are not fatty, salty, made or pork, nor delicious.

Breakfast sausage patties....

Break

Well, everything has been arranged: I'm taking a 6 month break from school. I have a lot going on: running, weights, jujitsu take a bulk of my free time during the week and that still doesn't cover making sure my friends feel loved and schmooping up my fiance. On top of that, I'm tired of the people I have to work with at school. Since I go to Phoenix, I'm stuck with a learning team. Inevitably I end up with slackers/morons. On top of all that, I can't seem to muster enough of a shit to give. Homework? Meh, I'll take the deduction for being late and wait another week.

I would have just taken a 60 leave of absence, but then I'd return very close to the wedding date and want to take another LoA. Nope, the big break is the way to go. I'll come back fresh and ready to pinch off my last year of school.

Danger Team Escape Force Alpha Team, Motorvate!!

Everyday, a woman in a white rice burner shows up about the same time as I do in the parking lot at work. She absolutely insists on backing her car into her chosen parking space. It doesn't seem to matter to her that it takes for fucking EVER, and that during that time, I'm stuck behind her, unable to get to my own parking space and start my day. "But, Rev., why does it take so long? Shouldn't she be able to just pull in front of it and back in?" That's what you may be asking (actually, you're probably done asking it, but I can't make you read this while you're thinking it) and that's a good question. The answer is that she can't fucking drive to save her life.

Now it's irritating enough when somebody wastes your time but it's for more or less a good reason. That is, while I have a hard time being stuck behind old people in traffic, I at least realize that they have the right and the need to get from A to B just like I do. But when you suck up a full 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back because you INSIST on doing something time consuming that doesn't even do you any good, it makes me want to burn down buildings and shoot baby puppies.

Still, I have to wonder: why is she doing it? Is it saving her that much time on the way out of work? Does she need to be THAT ready to roll out in case of an emergency? Maybe she's a member of the Danger Team Escape Force Alpha Team! If that were the case, she'd have to be able to blast off post haste, without all that backing up jazz that'll keep a DTEFAE member from making up those precious seconds between life and death. But THEN I think, well hey, should she be able TO BACK HER GODDAM CAR INTO THE FUCKING PARKING SPOT QUICKLY?!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!

Acoutrements

For many years, now, I have been jealous of smokers. Not because they're destroying their lungs and slowly giving themselves cancer, but because of how cool smoking is. As a smoker you get all kinds of accessories like Zippos, cigarette cases, extra long filters, etc. So about a year and a half ago I bought an A-Team cigarette case from eBay but I knew I wasn't going to put cigarettes in it. I can fit the better part of a pack of gum in there, though. So I carry it off and on and everybody who's anybody that has seen it has been unable to say no to the chewy goodness within.

Today I found myself chewing a tasty piece of Spearmint Extra (not my favorite gum, which is Ice Breakers Spearamint, but good, none the less) and wishing I had a humidor for my desk in which I could keep a bunch of gum. I wouldn't just dump them in there, I'd lay them in there lovingly, making nice, orderly stacks. Then I realized that what I really want is a swanky mansion with a Den. Because THAT'S where you keep a kickass humidor. It would be all stylish in there with animal heads and lots of wood finish. I can imagine it now....

"You see, Mr. Mendoza, I have never been one to take betrayal lightly. You do realize that you have betrayed me, do you not? Of course you do. Mind if I chew? Can I offer you a piece of gum? No? Loyalty is the number one trait, Mr. Mendoza, that I look for in an employee and you have let me down. You not only make me look bad to my enemies, but to my other men, as well. This is a shame I can only rectify by taking your life, Mr. Mendoza. Many men in my position would not dirty their hands with a simpleton like yourself, but I am a man of character. You should be honored."

ka-BOOM!!
ka-BOOM!!
ka-BOOM!!

Sound of the Shadow

So I'm wearing my napkin ninja t-shirt today. Everybody looks at it funny but they don't ask me about it. I guess it's because they know better....

Rev. Joshua

The Same Difference and Other Symantic Nitpickings

Alright, read this brief article. There, now I don't have to explain why the phrase, "same difference," as it is commonly used, is wrong. That frees up some time to bitch about it's use. Don't. Whenever I hear people use this phrase, I immediately assume that they are not thinking about what they're saying. It may not be fair, but they immediately sound ignorant to me. I emplore you, both for your own sake, and the sake of any pompous, verbose assholes you may encounter in life, take the time to consider the words randomly falling out of your mouth. Here's a list of other phrases or words you can go ahead and refrain from using:

"At this point in time..." If you were to say, "At this point, we don't know what software program we're going to purchase," would somebody suggest you take a step to the left and try to pick a software program? Would they ask you to pick a number farther up or down the number line?

"Irregardless." Yes, it actually is a word, but if Mirriam-Webster says don't use it, don't. You trust them to accurately define, "muggle," why not trust them all the way?

"It's going," is not an acceptable response to, "How's it going?" It is an accpetable response to, "Is it going?"

Don't answer, "How are you?" with, "Well, it's Monday," or, "Well, it's Friday." I won't go too deeply into this one at this point in time, as I've already written a post about it. Irregardless of how you feel about weekdays, you should be able to muster a better response.

Those are the only ones I can think of right now, but I'm sure there will be a part II to this post.

Sensei

So the sensei at the dojo is a very nice man. He's very compassionate, yet still firm when needed. He is what I would consider a classic warrior poet-type, if a little doughy in the gut.

But he's also from the East Coast. There's something very real and gritty about him. The two aspects of his demeanor by no means conflict. In fact, they balance each other quite nicely. However, it can be a little jarring sometimes.

My friend, Gunner, who has trained with Franco in the past, mentioned this to me on more than one occasion, but I experienced it myself for the first time tonight.

We were working on a choke hold, and I asked a question. In the course of answering the question, he said, "You know, it's been said throughout the martial arts world for a long time, that if you control the head, you control da' resta da' gaiee." I'll write the sentence again, but this time I'll kind of diagram it out for you to reveal the comedy being filtered out through my inability to be heard:

"You know, it's been said throughout the martial arts world for a long time, *Here, he sounds like an average person, very little accent. He's accessing the Senseithalomus, the part of the brain where wise sayings and their practical application are stored* that if you control the head, *still from the Senseithalomus* you control da' resta' da' gaiee *Here we see a rapid, unexpected shift to an East Coast accent and syntax*"

It took all my jujitsu power not to laugh at him. It helped that he was being really serious. Still, though, it was a struggle.

I just realized that there isn't really an end to this story, but I typed a g'fuckload already, so I'll be damned if I'm just going to erase it all. Instead, I'll end this endless story as I have ended so many other stories without end.

Aaaand, Scene.

Manifestette

For the last two weeks, my Tuesdays and Thursdays consisted of working from 7:00 - 3:30, picking up my woman, heading straight to the gym for a 20 minute jog, then hustling home for protein shake and yogurt, then hustling off to jujitsu. If all goes well, I have about 30 minutes in the early evening that I could call, "free time." It is somewhat hectic, but it's been active, healthy, and thus, constructive.

Today, though, I forgot my workout gear at home. When I got here, I had already lost whatever motivation I might have had to get on the treadmill. Using the insane Tues/Thurs schedule as an excuse, I sat on my ass. As jj approached, I got up and got my gear together. I then had a bizarre panic attack in which I was suuuper concerned that I would be unable to tie my belt correctly. So I used up some of my travel time finding this instructional video online. Then it was clear that I was going to be late so I started to use the excuse that being late is somewhat disrespectful to the class and the teachers to keep from going. Then I realized how selfdestructive I'd been throughout the afternoon and cowboyed the fuck up and headed out. I was late to class and missed out on some cool throws and falls, but was glad I went, none the less (I learned how to break a neck, colapse a trachea and choke somebody into unconciousness!!).

The moral of the story? I need to stay strong and remember that all the progress I have made physically and mentally over the last 4 months has been awesome. I must also remember that I have to keep striving to improve.

Stunning Discovery

The other day I arrived at home and found my fiance arranging some flowers. They were nice flowers and she did a good job of arranging them just so, so I didn't really give it a second thought. But tonight I came home to see her watching Phantom of the Opera. That's when it hit me; I think my fiance is gay! It all adds up, the interior design, the flower arranging, a love of musicals. It's been there in my face all along, how could I have been such a fool?!

I just hope that sassy Guatamalan pool boy that works for the apartment complex doesn't find out. I don't know what I'd do if he thought poorly of me....

Much More Jujitsuier

I had my introduction with the yawara stick, a.k.a. "the six-inch bo-staff," on Thursday. It's amazing what kind of damage you can do with a six-inch length of dowel. We learned a lot of basic pressure points to hit, and which of those are lethal. There was something pretty gratifying about learning the finer points of a weapon developed by cave men.

Lesson of the Day?

If somebody wants to hurt you, just poke 'em with a stick.