A New Hobby

So today we were at the local drugstore. I always go there and check out the toys for quality action figures like these handsome devils.

I found some good Marvel characters like a Nightcrawler and a pretty decent Hulk.

Today, though, they didn't really have any awesome figs. They had a Grey Hulk that didn't look all that sweet and they had a Dr. Strange, a character of which I am not a very big fan.

I did see some other action figures but I don't roll with shit like Pokeman and Gundam. They also had some figs that are something of a staple in any drugstore's toy aisle: generic G.I. Joe knock-offs. They come from crazy companies in China or Taiwan and they're never quite up to snuff. Sometimes they're poorly painted, or they're wearing funny hats. I saw a police officer that came with a Soviet-made AK-47 and an Israeli-made Uzi. Huh? That's crazy shit. Everybody knows most American S.W.A.T teams carry H-Ks and the like. I saw another guy that was just wearing some crazy headband, and another that was wearing black, hot pink and neon green. What soldier wears neon, ever?

I became enamoured with these horrific figs! Their cheap crapulance was somehow intoxicating and I would have bought all three, but they were $2.99 a piece! That seemed a bit high for such a terrible product. But then my soon-to-be-sister-in-law (I believe that's the technical term), Rel-Bot pointed out this magnificent bastard.

Action Soldier don't take no shit and he sure as fuck don't fuck around. Just take a moment to dig 'im.

Yeeeah...Hell yeah...

There are a lot of things that make Action Soldier awesome and I'm here to show you what they are. Then I'll tell you about my new hobby.

Alright, what makes a man a Man? It's the way he dresses, the way he acts, and how sultry and supple his lips look. You see those lips? Soft and kissable, no?

Max Factor, are you out there? Action Soldier should be in a commercial with Sarah Jessica Parker. He's just that pretty.

Also, if he's wearing a camo hat, he should definitely have it cocked jauntily.

Juuust so...

The soldier on the go, the true Action Soldier, should have a large butterfly collar with which to hang-glide in and out of what the veterans call, "The Shit."

I don't know if you noticed all the sweet shit this guy comes with but one of the most important items an Action Soldier can have is a sweet side arm. This one's a revolver and it'll put a hole the size of a bowling ball through your commy pinko face you socialist fucking faggot.

He comes with some other guns with which to fight your god-hating, hippy, nhilist life style. After all, sometimes Action Soldier needs to mow down a bunch of protesting, pacifist bunny fuckers. Don't we all? So that's why he's got these baaaad ass, fully automatic puppies.

Hold on, let me make some room so you can see his arsenal.

Sorry about the shitty state of this photo, but there's no way in hell I'm going to open this baby and destroy the resale value just to provide a better view. But what's worth noting between these guns and Action Soldier's revolver side arm is the size. Scroll up, I'll wait. See how the revolver is roughly proportionate to Action Soldier's hand? See how the rest of his arsenal definitely isn't even remotely proportionate to Action Soldier's hand? Awesome.

It should be pretty obvious by now that I am way, way into collecting shitty action figures. They're friggin' hilarious, for one, and they're super cheap! I'm just glad to start with such a classy, sassy, ass-kicking machine like Action Soldier.

Action Soldier, AWAAAAY!!!