Der Hotdoggen
So yesterday we were in Costco buying 300 pounds of anything at low, low prices. While checking out I saw their little concession stand with a giant hot dog photo. Just like that I realized that I needed a hotdog. I needed one real bad.
So I turned to Nellbot and said, "I need a hotdog. I need one real bad." So once we paid for our stuff and grabbed our friend Hush, we headed to the closest Wienerschnitzel.
I thought I'd have a couple of chili dogs with some onions and a bag of fries, but when we walked into the joint, I saw these.
Now, lemme just say that a 1/3 pound dog should be intimidating. But I grew up ND where having 2nd and 3rd helpings is a way of life. That means that whatever gauge normal people have for what a g'fuckload of food looks like or when to avoid one is either not functional or is missing completely.
That's why I ordered two.
"Two?" said the guy behind the counter?
"Yeah, two of the chili cheese ones. Aaaand, myah, I don't need any fries."
I didn't order any fries. I mean, I'm no gluttonous hog, afterall.
Then Hush ordered the very same.
Then we ate them. Towards the end of the second dog each, we started getting sweaty bloated. We each finished by gently tamping down the last bite like we were Civil War era muzzle-loader rifles. It was not a pretty sight.
Now, one would think that eating 2/3 of a pound of hotdog, combined with 2 very healthy doses of processed real-esque monosodiumglutimized chili product would make you shit your brains out. That was my main concern once I realized exactly what I'd done to myself. But I've been fine for the last 24 hours. That's what scares me. Everthing's been fine. I can only assume that there will be a reckoning. Until that time, I'm just trying to live life to the fullest.
So I turned to Nellbot and said, "I need a hotdog. I need one real bad." So once we paid for our stuff and grabbed our friend Hush, we headed to the closest Wienerschnitzel.
I thought I'd have a couple of chili dogs with some onions and a bag of fries, but when we walked into the joint, I saw these.
Now, lemme just say that a 1/3 pound dog should be intimidating. But I grew up ND where having 2nd and 3rd helpings is a way of life. That means that whatever gauge normal people have for what a g'fuckload of food looks like or when to avoid one is either not functional or is missing completely.
That's why I ordered two.
"Two?" said the guy behind the counter?
"Yeah, two of the chili cheese ones. Aaaand, myah, I don't need any fries."
I didn't order any fries. I mean, I'm no gluttonous hog, afterall.
Then Hush ordered the very same.
Then we ate them. Towards the end of the second dog each, we started getting sweaty bloated. We each finished by gently tamping down the last bite like we were Civil War era muzzle-loader rifles. It was not a pretty sight.
Now, one would think that eating 2/3 of a pound of hotdog, combined with 2 very healthy doses of processed real-esque monosodiumglutimized chili product would make you shit your brains out. That was my main concern once I realized exactly what I'd done to myself. But I've been fine for the last 24 hours. That's what scares me. Everthing's been fine. I can only assume that there will be a reckoning. Until that time, I'm just trying to live life to the fullest.
posted by Ueberyak at 7:52 PM
5 Comments:
Well, of course, IF there is a god, it's a hotdog. (Oh...sigh...HotDog...)
I find it hard to believe, however, that you guys went to Weinerschnitzle. (Did I spell that right? I just guessed...it doesn't LOOK right. Hmm...Weinerschnitzel? Well...)
I mean, wasn't there someplace where you could get a REAL hotdog?
You know, a vendor standing on a corner picking his nose and spitting...with those oh so delicious dawgs steaming and waiting just for you?
I LOVE HotDogs, and eat them at almost every opportunity...when I can get a good one, that is.
I find Weinerschnitzle...no, that's not right...Weinerschnitzel...sigh...horrid and lousy tasting.
And their chili sucks.
So, to ME, it is not the quantity that you and...Hush? (What the hell kind of name is THAT?) ingested, but where it came from.
E pluribus urine.
P.S.
I have never been in a Costco.
We did some good dogs and garlic sausages with saurkraut the other night. What the hell were we thinking? Delicious? Certainly. Fartstinky? Youbetcha.
I wasn't farty, of course, just Barney. Everytime I moved the covers I had to gag... but for me, just a ladylike stomache ache and midnight indigestion of death.
Oh, I agree that Wienerschnitzel isn't good hot dog eatin'. But I didn't go there for good hot dogs with tasty chili. Just like I don't go to Taco Bell for good Mexican grub.
2/3 of hot dogs sounds pretty stinking daunting. i think i'm up to it, but i could probably use a couple beers first.
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